Lonesome wind blowing fearsome hot in a field of dust and locusts

In the circles I run in, people say that the longer one lives the Christian life the more he or she sees his or her own sinfulness, and consequent dependence on God's grace.

Is it possible to worship Christ-likeness? To idolize sanctification? To want it more than a real relationship with the one, true, personal God?

I'm an idealist - which inevitably makes me a critic.

Marriage scares me.

Losing the intimate connection I felt I once had with Christ scares me more.

Thank God for Bill Mallonee...

Weak One Now

it's not your promises that i don't respect
they're cold comfort when i'm wrecked
reaching blindly out for you
heard it said least a thousand times before
just keep knocking at your door
of opportunity

(but) i'm the weak one now
and i don't need your sacred cows
and it's hard to drink the dreams
mingled ashes and the might have beens
kill the spirit sell the flesh
we amuse ourselves to death
holy words on baited breath
lose their meaning in the 20th century

gold has lost it's luster
and the silver becomes dull
once i used to run with joy
now i can barely crawl
like to help you brother
i've washed my hands and dried
the steely blade of science
never hypnotized me once